I was born a mulatto**mixed biracial-daughter of a black man and a white woman. Being a mulatto, I regularly feel the strain of being caught in the big "argument" between white and blacks. Each group of people tries to either pull me into their group completely and forget my other half, or reject all of me just because of the other half. I usually feel this tension in school, which is where I spend most of my time.

Even though my school is well mixed racially, every race has its own social group. Blacks socialize most with the blacks; whites socialize most with the whites; Asians socialize most with the Asians. All groups are acquainted with each other, but they don't really get to know one another. It seems like it would be easy for a mulatto to be socially accepted by both her races, but it feels like I am always breaking a rule when I talk with one race or another. We mulattoes defied the rules of race when we were conceived, and forever are crossing over and back.

I am medium brown skinned, and look like I am black, but I have been raised by white parents. I have friends that are of both races. People at school used to say I dressed and talked and acted "white."

Black girls were not eager to accept me into their social group because I wasn't trying hard enough to be black. When I talked to my black friends, and a white part of me was shown, they emotionally showed a defensive "attitude" towards me.

White girls were more readily accepting; they felt more comfortable asking me questions about the black race than asking a black person. On the other hand, when I talked to my white friends, I experienced a slight withdrawal by them whenever some part of the black in me came out.

Over the past two years I have found a few other mulattoes who express the same feelings as I do, and we have become good supportive friends for each other. When we see the confusion that both races, all races have, it angers us. We understand where both our races are coming from, and we have experiences from both cultures that have helped us grow as more compassionate people. We believe that when you look past a person's exterior you are opening yourself up to a whole new learning experience about all the things each person has to offer.

As a mulatto I will continue to feel the strain of not being truly accepted in a race, as long as the barrier between whites and blacks exists. By staying tuned into both races without trying to identify with just one, I will try to break down the barriers. Only when all the races cease to build walls of their differences will I truly feel accepted, and my crossing over will end.

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This Essay was written by Yolanda when she was 16 y.o. She is now 27.

** This term mulatto is not used as much today. Some people think of it as a racist term, others think of it as outdated. In any case, the writer used it to identify herself in this essay as someone who was born to a white mother and a black father.

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